Ignorant bliss
by Caruncle
Summary: Sometimes remembering doesn't bring happiness. Outlaw Queen.


**Ignorant bliss **

**A/N. Hey guys. This is my first OUAT fic so be gentle! I'm loving the potential of outlaw queen right now. So this story is set further in the series and basically indulges a theory I had about the way the outlaw queen relationship might play out. The story starts with Regina discovering the correct recipe for the memory potion and basically goes from there. I'm notoriously bad at updating fics so for now I'm leaving this as a one shot. Hope you enjoy it x**

She stepped back, it was finally done. The potion simmered in the glass as she tentatively removed the stopper on the bottle.

As it hit the back of her throat she felt it, the dull ache of heartbreak was back, her legs began to shake but she didn't fight it as she was overcome by the image of his face, his stupidly handsome face with his perfectly crooked smile. She felt her knees come into contact with the floor, she remembered now, she remembered everything. The forest, his arms, his lips, his laughter, their time with his son, them and then the darkness and the betrayal. She feels herself slipping down lower to the ground- her head is swimming with memories her body can't cope with- she feels her eyes close as her head falls back against the cold floor.

Eventually the room starts to come back into focus but the pain is still there. She'd been so happy, the kind of happiness that evil queens did not get, that naïve, childlike giddiness that only comes with love and he'd brought her that. For a second she forces out the pain and lets herself bask in the memory of waking up in his arms. She remembers their little cabin in the woods with the sun slowly filtering through the windows, his arm lazily over her naked waist and their legs loosely entwined in a loose plait. At that point they were theirs and no one else's- no one was good, no one was evil, they were just them and she had loved it.

She feels her heart swell as the memories of them intensify and for a second she swears she can almost feel his arms around her and it's too much. She reaches into her chest; she has to make this pain go away and taking out her heart is the only way she knows how, but as she watches it beat in front of her she can still feel the pain because it's like it's in her bones, burned into her brain, heart or no heart- it's in her.

She hears steps outside the office door. She really doesn't want to see anyone right now. She hears the tentative knock at the door. She doesn't answer. The knock happens again but this time it's accompanied by a voice, the most perfect voice. What the hell is he doing here? They haven't even met in this world, in this world she hasn't broken his heart and she wants it to stay that way because she can't hurt him twice, she just can't.

Before she can think to stop it he's in her office, apologising but he heard the crash from outside. She can't help but roll her eyes at the irony of it all; she only passed out and dropped the damn bottle because of him, or at least because of the memory of him. But of course he'd come up and check she was OK- it's not like he'd had a personality transplant across worlds, he was, and always would be the perfect gentleman- one she did not deserve.

As he reached out his hand to help her up her fingers tingled at the muscle memory. She looked up at his concerned face and realised the beautiful naivety of this situation. There was no hurt in his eyes, no pain in his face, just genuine worry for the woman he'd found in a pile on the floor.

He insisted he walk her home and she did little to resist, after all once the town found out she had perfected the potion it would be no time at all before they all had their memories back, him included and the concern would be gone and the disgust and pain would return to his gaze. So just for tonight, just tonight she wanted to be the one walked home by attractive gentleman who'd insisted she wear his jacket. It still smelt the same and as the scent enveloped her she felt her eyes fill with tears.

All she wants him to do is to hold her hand and tell her it's all going to be alright, before it all went wrong that's what he used to do and at the time she used to shrug it off because it made her feel weak, but now, all she wants is that hand in hers again, because she swears this time she'd not be so stupid as to let it go.

As they near her front door she realises she doesn't want this to end. She needs him. She invites him in for a drink and although she sees that beautifully familiar lust in his eyes she does understand when he declines, he needs to pick up Roland.

His name brings on the tears again, they had been such a perfect little family and really what she'd done was to protect them, but he'd never seen that, he'd just felt the pain.

He's stood in her doorway looking so concerned and she knows him, she knows it goes against every fibre in his being to leave a crying woman on her doorstep, but she also knows he'd never let Roland down, and rightly so- so he has to go.

But just once more she wants to hold him, and she knows to him it's going to seem strange to hug goodbye because they've only just met- but she just wants to feel him close to her so she shuts everything out and just goes for it. Thankfully he just reciprocates and she closes her eyes, firstly to stop the tears but secondly just to let her senses take him in; his breath on her neck, his chest on her chest and his warmth, his warmth that for the brief moment lights a flame in her dark wilted heart.

He holds her for a second longer than he should and they both know it. She has to physically dig her nails into her palms to stop herself from kissing him. Roland needs him and so he has to go. He apologises again before turning to leave the porch.

'Thank you,'- it's all she can manage to say. He turns back towards her, smiles, tells her to get some rest and then he's gone.

As she closes the door she realises she's still wearing his jacket, she knows she should go and take it back to him but by the time she catches him he'll be with Roland and seeing them together would be too much, besides she likes that she gets to wear it. It smells like him, god when did she get this pathetic?

But maybe she doesn't have to tell anyone about the potion? Maybe she can just pretend she didn't drink it and maybe tomorrow she can go to the diner to return the jacket of the beautiful gentleman that helped her out so much last night. They could talk and realise how much they actually have in common and they can just fall in love again, it would be so simple and maybe, just maybe she could finally get her own happy ending.

As she was busy getting lost in the fantasy there was another knock at her door. She jumped up, hoping he was just coming to get his jacket back, but it was a female silhouette behind the glass. She opened the door to reveal a face that showed no concern, one if anything that showed jubilation.

'So I take it you cracked the memory potion then? Took you long enough,'

'How did you know?'

'I just saw Robin in grannies talking to David; he said you'd been upset,'

'So from that you got it?'

'Well that and I've been monitoring your office,'

'Of course you have,'

'Well I was trying to stop it. You did ask me to you know, when we were creating this thing,'

'I know, I know and I suppose I should thank you for giving me at least a couple of weeks of peace,'

'Well, sister, I for one am glad you're back. I was getting lonely. You'll get over that thief,'

She was silent for a while as her sister swanned into the kitchen to fix herself a drink. She was only partially listening as Zelena filled her in on how the plans were taking shape and how it really had been difficult to co-ordinate this all herself. But as Zelena continued to talk she found herself going more and more into her own head. What had she done? She couldn't go through with this plan, not now Henry was back, not now Snow and David and the whole town trusted her again and not now that she wearing his jacket again, she couldn't do it- she'd been driven by pain and darkness in that other world, but this, this gave her a new start.

'Sister, are you listening to me at all?'

'Zelena, I can't, I can't hurt them,' Her sister was up now, smiling so intensely that she knew what was coming next was going to be bad news,

'Well dear, it's a shame they're going to want to hurt you?'

'What?'

'See this?' From her pocket she pulled that blue orb, that perfect blue orb. She knew what it held and she knew what was about to happen. It played out in slow motion- the orb rolled slowly off the tips of Zelena's fingers, hanging for a split second in mid-air before it smashed into a thousand pieces on the floor.

The memories were released out into the new world. Everyone would remember, remember how she had betrayed them all, and remember how she'd supposedly given into evil again. Any minute now she'd have a mob at her front door, like before, and who could blame them? They had every right to be angry.

But what they wouldn't remember, or at least what he wouldn't remember was that she'd done it all to protect him, protect him and Roland from the spells that Zelena had promised would punish them if she didn't help her. No one would remember that- she'd be the evil queen again with her wilted heart and he would be free to love someone who deserved it. It was the way it was supposed to be.

'I think we better get out of here don't you?' She looked at Zelena's hand and knew realistically her sister was right, it was time, once again, to go. She stood up and took off his jacket, she wasn't about to taint it with this, before spinning her hands in time with her sister's and disappearing into the air.

**Thanks for reading **


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